


Johnny's Supermarket

by Arekuruu



Category: Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe, Everyone Is Gay, Humor, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-30
Updated: 2011-08-16
Packaged: 2018-10-21 07:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10680765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arekuruu/pseuds/Arekuruu
Summary: JE. But they work in a supermarket. No, really.





	1. Sparkles 50% Off!

Sitting pride of place in Kitagawa's Retail Park was Johnny's. Johnny's was by far and wide, the largest and most popular supermarket for miles - when asked, customers would insist it was due to the produce that was sold there, the choice and selection, and wonderful customer service. Truthfully, it was probably due to the fact that every employee of Johnny's was young, attractive and forced to work in a hideously bright uniform.  
  
With sparkles.  
  
\---  
  
"But it's _raining_." Kame exclaimed, looking across to stare at the store manager on duty that day in horror, "You can't want me to go collect the trolleys _right now_!"  
  
Ninomiya stared back impassively, raising an eyebrow at the younger boy's outburst.  
  
"It's your job, isn't it? So go do it."  
  
"But...my hair." Kame looked distressed, "Isn't Matsumoto on duty today?"  
  
"As much as the Princess would sympathise with your plight, he's not here for another hour." Nino's grin was bright and cheerful and filled with _pure evil._  
  
"Come _on_ , Kamenashi!" Jin snapped, grabbing the other boy by the arm and dragging him towards the door, ignoring his shriek of protest.  
  
Nino watched the group of trolley boys leave, Koki shoving a glittery fedora on Kame's head before bodily manhandling him outside.  
  
"Trouble in paradise, boys?" a voice singsonged from the checkouts, and Jin paused briefly to shoot a venomous glare at Yamapi who was leaning over his checkout and grinning widely. Yamapi only laughed and blew Jin a kiss, causing several woman in Ryo's queue to abruptly switch into Yamapi's.  
  
\---  
  
Many customers walked away from the deli counter of Johnny's wondering exactly what they were going to _do_ with 3lbs of salted fish guts. It had just seemed like such a good idea when that nice young man Subaru had suggested it...  
  
\---  
  
KAT-TUN (as the trolley boys were collectively called - all sections had been given a group name during training to save time when calling them over the tannoy, and Takki had always been overly fond of nicknames for some odd reason) hadn't always worked collecting the trolleys, they had originally started out as deli assistants, but were quickly shifted when Kame had attempted to ram Jin's head through the bread slicer.  
  
"Akanishi!" Ueda snapped as Jin's stack of trolley's veered off course and into his side for the third time that morning, "Try looking where you're going and not making rude gestures at Nishikido through the window!"  
  
"He started it..." Jin muttered sullenly, but obeyed nonetheless.  
  
\---  
  
KAT-TUN and NewS hadn’t always spent their entire workdays flipping each other off and glowering over customer’s heads. Yamapi and Jin had in fact been best friends - until they were split into separate teams for training with Takki  & Tsubasa, who did nothing but encourage the two teams to compete against each other. The sooner they completed their training, the sooner they could get out of that stuffy training room with no A/C.  
  
NewS had finished their training long before KAT-TUN, although in Jin’s opinion, Takki had just taken an unnatural shine to Yamapi and let them out early regardless.  
  
\---  
  
Toma stared at the display screen on the hand-held scanner - which cheerfully blinked a ‘Critical Error: Main System Offline’ message at him. It took Toma a total of 5 seconds to remember who was on duty now, and he internally winced as he realised that it was Aiba - of _course_ it was Aiba.  
  
“I don’t know what happened!” Is the first thing Toma hears as he steps into the office, “I mean, it just _shut down_!”  
  
“Aiba.” Matsujun looks vaguely harassed and he is using a tone that clearly states that It Is Too Early For This, Masaki, “We have been through this. You do not touch the computer. You are not allowed anywhere near the computer. In fact, didn’t we decide that you are not even allowed in the same room with the computer without the supervision of either myself or Sho?”  
  
“Well…Ah! Toma!” Aiba looked delighted at the chance to use Toma as a distraction and dragged him further into the office.  
  
“The system…” Toma starts, trailing off as Matsujun narrows his eyes at Aiba, who visibly shrinks back.  
  
“I’ll get it up as soon as possible.” Matsujun sighs, “Just as soon as I figure out what Aiba’s managed to actually _do_ , first.”  
  
Toma nods quickly as excuses himself as quick as humanly possible. He’s heard of Aiba’s way of apologising to Matsujun - everyone has - and he assumes that now would be a good time for his lunch break, as the system won’t be up anytime soon if that’s the case.  
  
\---  
  
“Ryo!”  
  
Ryo looks up from his lunch in time to see Uchi drop into the seat across from him, beaming. Ryo just about chokes on his food, making KAT-TUN burst into hysterics on the other side of the cafeteria.  
  
“Uchi?! What the hell! They hired you back?!” Ryo exclaims, as the rest of Kanjani8 suddenly materialise next to the NewS table, practically suffocating Uchi in their enthusiasm to welcome him back.  
  
“Kind of.” Uchi mumbles from between Maru and Yasu, “I’m stocking shelves.”  
  
There is a long silence before Subaru releases Uchi from the headlock he had him in and stares down at him.  
  
“What? You’re kidding us.”  
  
“They aren’t letting you back with us?!”  
  
NewS has joined in with the protests by this time, and Uchi looks down at the table.  
  
“I’m sorry, you guys.”  
  
“Stupid.” Uchi looks up at Ryo’s remark, “You’re here with us. It’s enough.”  
  
Uchi beams.  
  
\---  
  
“You little bastard, you did that on purpose!” Ryo roared, having just barely dodged out of the way of a stack of trolleys.  
  
“Oh. Nishikido. I didn’t see you…” Ueda replied, indifferently, “All the way down there.”  
  
“I’m surprised you can see _anything_ past those big fish lips of yours.” Ryo snapped back, stalking off to finish his cigarette in peace.  
  
\---  
  
Why Hey!Say!JUMP worked in the warehouse at the back was anyone’s guess, considering that their job consisted of shifting huge pallets of stock around and half of them hadn’t even hit puberty yet (Johnny’s had never been very strict with the age limits on working - especially with Takki in Recruitment). Despite that, they got the job done, so no-one complained, really.  
  
Apart from Nino. He never did like that Chinen kid.  
  
\---  
  
Mabo sighed heavily as the woman smiled gratefully and thanked him again for being so helpful. Of course, Mabo hadn’t worked for Johnny’s for several years now, but the lack of sparkles on his clothes didn’t seem to tip the regular customers off - or perhaps they just didn’t care, it was hard to tell sometimes.  
  
“You’re not expecting to get paid, are you?” Matsujun remarked from the end of the aisle, looking vastly amused.  
  
“Hey. You try saying ‘no’ to a little old lady looking for incontinence pads.”  
  
“…You’re still not getting paid.”  
  
\---  
  
“So. I hear you got a complaint lodged against you!” Jin practically crowed, appearing in front of Yamapi seemingly from nowhere, “Did you molest someone again? You’ve been told before, Pi. I mean really.”  
  
“Shut up, Bakanishi.” Pi muttered, obviously nursing the beginning of a headache, “Or do you want Kamenashi to find out who really stretched out his favourite jacket last week?”  
  
Jin shut up.  
  
\---  
  
“I think we’re fully justified in killing them all.” Koki insisted, gesturing through the pouring rain at the NewS boys, cheerfully waving at them from the comfort of the checkouts, warm and dry, “Nobody would blame us!”  
  
“Not if we make it look like an accident.” Kame slammed his stack of trolleys into the main bay, pushing his wet hair out of his eyes, having forlornly watched his sparkled hat flew off into the high winds earlier to a chorus of cheers from the checkouts.  
  
“We could get Tegoshi first. I mean, he’s always with Ryo, but they’re tiny. We could take ‘em. Just need to catch them when they go for their break...” Jin paused as he noticed the other 5 members of KAT-TUN staring at him. “What?”  
  
“You’ve thought about this a _little_ too much…” Junno edged away, hiding behind Koki.  
  
“I think it’s time for a break, Jin.” Kame sighed, placing a hand on the other boys back and shoving him none to gently towards the store entrance.  
  
\---  
  
“Bakanishi!” Jin resisted the urge to shove his elbow into Pi’s stomach as the other man threw his arm across Jin’s shoulders. “Remember the other day - when you were getting on my case about getting a complaint?”  
  
“Get lost, Pi.” Jin’s restraint was growing thin, and Pi’s sheer glee at tormenting Jin was only growing by the second.  
  
“How cold!” Pi swiftly removed his arm from around Jin’s shoulders, only to throw his other arm around Kame’s shoulders, who was sitting on Jin’s other side. Kame startled and stared at Pi in utter bewilderment as the checkout boy turned to him with a leer, “I’m here to see Kame, not you, anyway, Bakanishi.”  
  
The rumour amongst the shelf-stackers that afternoon was that it took both Sho and Tsubasa to pull Jin off of Yamapi. Of course, if you asked Kame the truth, he would snort derisively and recount the unimpressive girly shrieking and less-than-manly hand flapping at each other that really took place.  
  
\---  
  
“You have got to be kidding me with this.” Ryo griped, rubbing his arms in a futile effort to warm himself up.  
  
“Mou, how much longer have we got to stand out here? It’s freezing!” Tegoshi wailed, shivering against Massu’s side.  
  
The fire alarm had went off during the late-night shift, and the entire store was evacuated - immediately - meaning no time for the staff to grab their jackets or anything else to protect them from the cold. The checkout staff only had their short sleeved shirts and they had already been standing outside for the past 15 minutes.  
  
The management were in their suits, unbothered by the night air and Kanjani8 seemed to find no problem with the weather, joking around with each other seemed to keep them warm enough. The warehouse boys, Hey!Say!JUMP always had jackets on, to protect them from the walk-in freezers when moving stock, along with most of the shelf-stockers.  
  
“Aw, look, Maru.” Koki nudged his friend, both of them bundled up in their heavy jackets that were part of their usual uniforms, “Don’t those poor checkout boys look cold?”  
  
“Why yes. Yes, they do, Koki!” Maru commented, nodding thoughtfully, “You know, if we were gentlemen, we’d offer them our coats!”  
  
“You’re right, we would.” Koki exclaimed, agreeing with Maru, before the two of them grinned disarmingly and walked away.  
  
\---  
  
One of Jun’s favourite pastimes at work was to annoy Akanishi. It wasn’t that he had something against Jin, it was just that it was so _easy_.  
  
“Oi, Akanishi!” Jin froze immediately, regardless of where he was. Ueda rolled his eyes and pulled him forward, clear of the road.  
  
“Try not to kill yourself, Jin.” Ueda sighed - _how_ many times had he said that this week?  
  
“It’s Matsumoto! I don’t think that’s an option!” Jin hissed back, eyes wide, as his brain went into overdrive, frantically trying to recall what he’d done lately that would have incurred the wrath of Matsujun. Coming up with nothing - Sure, the laxatives in Yamapi’s lunch had been awful, but he’d made sure that Jun wasn’t on duty then!  
  
“I think Ueda was talking about you standing in the middle of the road, idiot.” Kame muttered, stalking past and nodding respectfully to Matsumoto as he passed the manager, continuing on with his work.  
  
"...Hey!" Jin replied, too late.  
  
As much as Jin would have loved to turn and flee in the opposite direction, his traitorous feet brought him up to Matsumoto, and Jin looked up apprehensively.  
  
“Tuck your shirt in. You’re making the store look bad.” Jun said after a pause, during which Jin had almost went into cardiac arrest.  
  
“I..wha-” Jin just gaped after Matsujun as he walked away, “Why?! Why does he do that?!”  
  
“Just a guess, but I’d say it was for your hysterical flailing afterwards.” Koki grinned.  
  
\---  
  
This was definitely _not_ what he had went to university for, Sho thought morosely as he surveyed the wreckage that had once been the bakery department of Johnny’s.  
  
“What happened?” Sho was rather impressed with himself for not shrieking the question at the two members of Kanjani 8 who _usually_ dealt with the bakery in a reasonably calm and quiet manner - well, for them, anyway.  
  
“That machine tried to KILL me.” Maru insisted, gesturing to a smouldering lump of charred metal, what Sho assumed used to be the bread slicer.  
  
Sho looked to Yasu for confirmation, who after a sharp nudge to the ribs from Maru, nodded in affirmation.  
  
“Blades of _death_.”  
  
Sho sighed. It was going to be a long day.  
  
\---  
  
This was definitely _not_ what he was going to university for, Shige sighed, having grown tired of watching Ryo alternate between making vicious and unpleasant gestures out of the window to the trolley bays and staring up the aisles with a sort of wistful gaze - and quite honestly, Shige wasn’t sure what one he was more frightened of, either.  
  
The only reason Shige was working at Johnny’s was to pay for his tuition - Johnny’s paid well, but not everyone got to work there. Their job interviews were especially strange - it had almost seemed like an audition. Shige had half-expected them to ask him to dance.  
  
But law school was expensive, and so Shige decided that Johnny’s was the best option. And that was the only reason he was there.  
  
“Shige!” Shige looked up to find Koyama waving frantically at him from across the check-outs, “C’mon! Break-time!”  
  
…Okay. So maybe it wasn’t the _only_ reason.  
  
\---  
  
“…He’s staring at me again, isn’t he?” Kame sighed, bring a hand up to his forehead, his headache getting steadily worse as the day progressed.  
  
“Ha, which one?” Koki replied, his tone holding far too much amusement for Kame’s liking.  
  
“Oh god.” Kame sighed heavily, turning to glare at Jin, who hastily looked away and pretended that he’d been busy with his work the whole time, “Why is this happening to _me_?!”  
  
“Because you’re pretty like a girl.” Koki grinned, automatically stepping backwards to avoid Kame’s fist catching him across the jaw, “Oh look. They’ve multiplied.”  
  
“YAMASHITA.” Kame howled, obviously having had enough by this point, “Take Kusano and GO AWAY.”  
  
“You know, this wouldn’t happen half as much if you didn’t insist on wearing such tight pants to work, Kame.” Ueda commented, raising an eyebrow as Junno and Koki shooed the NewS boys away.  
  
“Hey! Don’t say anything about Kame’s fashion choices!” Jin objected, “I think seeing his ass in tight pants does wonders for my motivation!”  
  
Kame wished they still had the bread slicer to hand sometimes.  
  
\---  
  
“Huh?” Nino halted in the door way to the office, a confused look on his face, “Oi, Jun, where’s Leader? I thought he was supposed to be in by now.”  
  
“He is.” Jun glanced up from the computer, rolling his eyes, “Don’t think it’s gone unnoticed that your schedule seems to eerily mirror Ohno’s. Odd that.”  
  
“What a coincidence!” Nino grinned, not looking in the slightest bit ashamed, “So where is he? I dob’t want to have to hang around you.”  
  
“Charming. He’s in the warehouse, helping out with the stock of frozen fish that just got delivered a while ago.”  
  
“Huh? But we usually don’t deal with that. Surely HSJ can mange that by themselves.”  
  
“No. Yabu and Yaotome called in sick - oddly enough they _somehow_ both have mono. It’s just Chinen that’s on at the moment.” Jun shrugged, returning to his work.  
  
“… _What._ “  
  
“Go play possessive boyfriend elsewhere, I’m busy, Ninomiya.”  
  
\---  
  
“Oh-chan!” Nino’s shout echoed so loudly through the warehouse that Chinen almost dropped the entire box of frozen fish he was carrying.  
  
“Ah. Nino.” Ohno smiled faintly as Nino rounded the corner, looking rather frantic - a fact that went _completely_ unnoticed by the other Arashi member.  
  
“Oh-chan! I was looking for you. Oh. Chinen.” Nino cast a fleeting glace at the young warehouse attendant, subtly tugging Ohno a few paces away from the boy.  
  
“Ah, Chinen - you had better put that box in the freezer quickly.” Ohno nodded in the direction of the freezer.  
  
“Ah, yes!” Chinen jumped, as if he hadn’t noticed that he was still holding a large box full of frozen fish and scurried off to put it away.  
  
“We should get back to the office. Jun’s already called in Takaki and Inoo to help out here.” Nino tried to steer Ohno out of the warehouse.  
  
“No, wait. We have to watch the door and make sure Chinen doesn’t get shut in the freezer, Nino.”  
  
“…Damn.” Nino muttered, feeling like his plan had been completely ruined.


	2. Special Discount On Rainbows!

Kame could still remember vividly the day he had met the rest of KAT-TUN - unfortunately it was by then too late to turn tail and run as fast and as far as he possibly could.  
  
“Hi! I’m Akanishi Jin!” Kame jerked back automatically as someone suddenly appeared in his field of vision, grinning broadly.  
  
“Uh, Kamenashi Kazuya.” Kame replied, a little taken aback, but still remembering his manners, “Nice to meet you.”  
  
“Ah!” Jin’s eyes practically lit up at the name, “Kame! We’ve been waiting for you, c’mon!”  
  
“What?” Kame yelped as Jin’s seized his arm and dragged him down the corridor, “Wait…what did you just call me?!”  
  
Jin stopped in his tracks and turned to look at Kame, looking a little put out.  
  
“Kame. It should be your nickname, right? I mean, Kamenashi’s too long and everything.” Explained Jin, seemingly not taking any notice of Kame’s distinctly unimpressed expression.  
  
“What, like Akanishi isn’t?” Kame retorted - it wasn’t like he didn’t like Jin, he seemed like a nice enough guy, but he wanted to call him _turtle_ \- and raised an eyebrow.  
  
“You know, you’re right.” Jin nodded, before throwing an arm over Kame’s shoulders and continuing to steer him down the corridor, “So you can just call me Jin, right?”  
  
And Kame hadn’t been able to get rid of him since.  
  
\---  
  
“Hey, Koichi!” Nino exclaimed, walking into the bakery, the six members of KAT-TUN trailing behind him, “Got those assistants you wanted!”  
  
Koichi Domoto sighed, no amount of telling Ninomiya to call him Domoto was enough for the younger man to ever actually take it on board - he half expected that Nino did it just to be irritating, and he knew Matsumoto would agree wholeheartedly.  
  
Koichi eyed the new employees critically, a girl, a show-off with bad hair, a thug, a lunatic, another girl and a coward. Well. Takki sure knew how to pick them, anyway.  
  
Frankly, Koichi was surprised that they lasted as his assistants for so long - he’d half expected Kamenashi to shut Akanishi in the oven on the very first day, instead of holding out for an entire week.  
  
\---  
  
“All checkout staff to checkouts, please.” Kawai sighed as he repeated that line for what seemed like the hundredth time.  
  
After Koyama and Shige’s lunch break, Yamapi and Ryo had went for their own - Yamapi was now back, but Ryo had still to return, and with Tegoshi and Massu now away as well, the queues were getting longer and longer.  
  
And Kawai knew he’d get blamed for not getting Ryo back - after all, Matsumoto was on duty today.  
  
“All ch-” Kawai jumped as the microphone was yanked away from him rather forcefully.  
  
“RYO NISHIKIDO, GET YOUR ASS TO CHECKOUTS RIGHT NOW!” Ueda yelled, having had enough of listening to the same announcement over and over again, “MOLEST UCHI IN YOUR OWN TIME!”  
  
There was a shriek from outside, as Kame rushed in, grabbing Ueda’s shoulder and trying to drag him back to where he was supposed to be, especially before Ryo did reappear.  
  
“THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY?!”  
  
Oh. Well. Kame let his hands fall to his side, sighing and stepping away, out of the line of fire, as Ryo slammed the staff room door open, storming round to glare at Ueda, who was now smirking and looking rather pleased with himself.  
  
“Can you guys not just be pissy and jealous later?”  
  
Kame blanches at the sound of Jin’s _completely oblivious_ voice and mentally curses Koki to hell for not forcibly keeping that idiot outside.  
  
Before Ueda and Ryo have a chance to turn on Jin, Kame whirls around and practically runs into him, forcing them both out of the door, and hopefully far enough away from the potential battle zone.  
  
It results in Jin flailing backwards and falling over, managing to drag Kame down with him and the both of them sprawled out on the pavement, Kame’s bony elbow uncomfortably lodged in the vicinity of Jin’s ribs. Jin gets bruised and complains about it for the rest of the day, but seeing as he managed to escape with all his limbs, Kame reasons that it’s a better outcome than leaving him to the mercy of Ryo and Ueda.  
  
Jin made a mental note to provoke Ueda and Ryo as much as possible in Kame‘s presence.  
  
\---  
  
Shoon let out a relieved sigh as he sat down in the staff room, exhausted and feeling the beginning of a headache starting, brought on by new shelf-stackers and customers alike.  
  
It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy working at Johnny’s, he really did - he just sort of wished that Ya-ya-yah was still working on the kiosk, instead of A.B.C. Sure, he was still friends with the others, and he had friends to talk to while he was working…but it just wasn’t the _same._ Especially after Taiyou had quit altogether to focus on school.  
  
“Hey, you alright?”  
  
Shoon glanced up, startled, to see Toma drop into the seat across the table from him, and managed to nod in response.  
  
“You miss them, am I right?” Toma asked, placing his arms on the table and leaning forward questioningly.  
  
“I- uh…Yeah, I do.” Shoon replied, a little surprised that Toma could tell what he was thinking.  
  
“Mhmm, thought so.” Toma grinned brightly, noticing Shoon’s confused expression, “I’m not psychic or anything - I recognise that look.”  
  
Oh. Shoon suddenly remembered that he wasn’t the only one who’d been shuffled about by the whims of the upper management. Shoon suddenly felt bad, Toma had been three different groups that had been broken up to form others.  
  
“Hey, hey - Don’t you go feeling sorry for me now!” Toma laughed, “It’s not all that bad, you know. It’s not like you’ll never see them.” Toma’s eyes flicked up to the door behind Shoon, the corner of his mouth twitching up into a smile.  
  
Shoon turned in his seat to see Yamapi burst through the door, the older man’s expression lighting up as he spotted Toma and he practically flew over to the table.  
  
“Toma!”  
  
“…Although sometimes you’ll wonder if that’s a good thing.” Toma grinned at Shoon, who grinned back, nodding understandingly.  
  
“Eh?” Yamapi looked confused, looking back and forth between the two, “What so funny? What’re you talking about?”  
  
“Nothing, nothing, Pi. What’s the matter, Ryo making fun of your big, girly crush on Jin?”  
“I do not have crush on Jin!” Yamapi all but screeched indignantly, putting on a mock offended look.  
  
A cry of _‘Liar!_ ’ from the other side of the cafeteria could be heard, swiftly followed by a ‘ _Shut up, Akanishi!_ ’.  
  
Toma let himself be dragged off by Yamapi, waving a goodbye to Shoon, who laughed at the put-upon expression Toma had adopted.  
  
“Shoon!”  
  
Shoon jumped as he felt someone all but tackle him from behind, and his smile grew even wider as Yabu walked into view.  
  
“Hikaru, you’re going to crush him you know.” Yabu rolled his eyes as he sat down in Toma’s recently vacated seat. Hikaru, having still not relinquished his hold on Shoon, loosened his grip slightly and Shoon could _hear_ the pout he shot Yabu over his shoulder.  
  
“This is what you have to put up with all day?” Shoon asked, remarkably unaffected for someone who had a Hikaru clinging to their back, “How do you cope?”  
  
“Oi. I am still here.” Hikaru reluctantly let go and slid into the seat next to Yabu, “I missed you and all I get is abuse! I am hurt. Deeply hurt, Shoon!”  
  
“You learn to tune him out after a while.” Yabu shrugged, acting as if Hikaru wasn’t there, grinning at Shoon.  
  
“Kota!”  
  
\---  
  
  
“What do you mean Senga’s called in sick?” Nino sighed in resignation, “Alright, fine. What time was his shift until? I’ll get someone to cover until Fujigaya gets in.”  
  
Bringing up the schedule, Nino grimaced as he put the phone down. His own shift ended in half an hour. The only one who would be able to cover was Aiba. In the pharmacy.  
  
-  
  
“I mean it!” Nino repeated, grabbing Aiba’s shoulders and forcing the taller man to look at him, “Matsujun will kill me, and then he’ll kill you. No amount of _apologising_ will fix it. So again - What do we not do?”  
  
“We do not mix the medication together.” Aiba repeated faithfully.  
  
“Good. And why do we not do this?” Nino pressed, hoping that his message had finally got through.  
  
“Because death is bad for business.” Aiba said solemly, “And Matsujun will hit us again.”  
  
“Okay.” Nino nodded, “Remember that. I am no longer responsible. If you get into trouble, blame Chinen or something.”  
  
-  
  
“No, really! This new medicine is a lot better!” Aiba insisted, holding up a dubious looking bottle filled with pills that looked suspiciously misshapen and an odd puce colour.  
  
“Uhm, but my doctor says that these were the only ones I was supposed to take, or I’d experience a violent allergic reaction…”  
  
“No, I know that these will work, the-” Aiba was suddenly cut off by a furious yell from the pharmacy entrance.  
  
“MASAKI!”  
  
“Ah, Sho-chan. I was just…Uh.” Aiba handed the customer her original prescription and grinned charmingly, “Thank you for shopping at Johnny’s, please have a nice day!”  
  
Warily, the customer took the package from Aiba and beat a hasty retreat. Sho rolled his eyes as Aiba tried unsuccessfully to hide the bottle of pills under the counter and looked back up at him with an innocent expression.  
  
\---  
  
Jin Akanishi wasn’t exactly the brightest of all the employees working in Johnny’s, it had to be said. However, Ryo thought, he’d expected Jin to have some sort of self preservation, instead of trying to incite him.  
  
“Heard you abandoned your loyal customers earlier, Nishikido.” Jin commented, leaning on Ryo’s checkout during one of the more quiet hours during the night, “Ran off to be a shining knight in white armour and everything.”  
  
“I’m going to stab you with these scissors.” Ryo growled, already irritated by Jin’s unbearably arrogant face, “Don’t you have trolleys to move around and make it look like you actually do some work here?”  
  
“Nope.” Ryo hadn’t thought it possible, but Jin’s grin only grew wider, “Ueda’s covering for me. He was more than happy too when I told him I wanted to go mock you for a while.”  
  
“You and your whole group can go die in a fire.” Ryo spat, “Go away, you’re scaring off all my customers with your ugly face.”  
  
“You sure you don’t want to go check that no other scary, creepy guys are hitting on your boyfriend?” Jin had at least a few brain cells left in his head to know to take a step backwards, out of arm’s reach, “Wouldn’t want you to leave your damsel in distress now, would you?”  
  
“UCHI IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND!” Ryo snapped, realizing a split second too late that there were still _customers_ in the store. All of which had frozen, turning to look at him in what could only be described as barely restrained glee, “Oh god, I hate you, Bakanishi.”  
  
Jin took one look at the frozen customers and the dismal form of Ryo now slumped over his checkout and decided - This had been a good day.  
  
\---  
  
It didn’t really take a genius to figure out what was wrong with Uchi when Ryo met up with him at the end of the day when their shifts had ended.  
  
“Ah.” Ryo cringed at the intense sulk that Uchi seemed to be radiating off him in waves, “I’m guessing…you heard me earlier?”  
  
“Ryo, I think the entire prefecture heard you furiously deny that you’d rather die than be associated with me.” Uchi huffed, turning away from Ryo and shoving his uniform into his locker and slamming it with more force than was strictly necessary.  
  
“Funny, I don’t remember phrasing it _exactly_ like th-” Ryo stopped short as Uchi frowned and made to push past him, “Uchi, wait!”  
  
Ryo grabbed Uchi’s arm before he left and pulled him back around to face him. Uchi was no longer scowling, but he still didn’t look all that pleased.  
  
-  
  
“Ah- wait a minute.”  
  
Ueda blinked as his path was blocked by Yamapi sticking his arm out in front of the door. The other man was leaning against the wall outside of the staff locker rooms, looking bored out of his mind.  
  
“I wouldn’t go in there right now. Uchi and Ryo are gaying it up.” Pi sighed, checking his watch, “For the past 20 minutes, mind you.”  
  
“Oh god.” Ueda made a face, “Are they kissing? That’s disgusting. Who on earth would go near Nishikido? Urgh.”  
  
After about 5 minutes and Yamapi and Ueda going ‘ _No, you go in.’, ‘Hell no, he’s your best friend, I don’t want to see that!’_ , over and over, Ueda finally gave up.  
  
“You know what? I can live without my jacket until tomorrow.” Ueda shrugged, “And I can definitely live without seeing Nishikido’s smug face again tonight - I’m going home. Good luck waiting.”  
  
Yamapi scowled as Ueda walked off - It was alright for him, but Pi’s car keys were in that locker room.


	3. Ruffles: Buy One - Get One Free!

One of Nino’s favourite pastimes was to wander out onto the supermarket floor and…well, he called it ‘supervising’, Sho always frowned disapprovingly at him and called it ‘spying’. Sho knew _nothing_.  
  
Lurking…Uh, observing, from behind a shelf, Nino peered at the checkouts surreptitiously - he’d always compared the checkouts to one of those girly mangas he’d swiped from Jun’s desk when he’d got bored. Like that one - what was it called, the one with the girl and the hosts? Jun had snatched it back in one of his hissy fits before Nino had a chance to see it properly.  
  
Nino shrugged, it didn’t really matter - sliding a pack of kitchen towels out of his line of sight, he jumped as he sensed a presence behind him. Glancing over his shoulder, Nino was more than a little relieved to see Ohno, and not another member of Arashi.  
  
“Ah, Captain!” Nino grinned, turning away from the checkouts and slinging an arm over Ohno’s shoulders, “I was wondering where you were!”  
  
“I was late. I lost track of time.” Ohno replied, looking curiously at the spot where Nino was peering through moments before, “Were you spying again?”  
  
“ _Supervising_.” Nino stressed the word, nodding as if to convince Ohno of this.  
  
“Sho-chan calls it spying.” Ohno told him, shrugging, “Also, Jun told me to come and get you, there’s a letter from Ooshima, and he doesn’t want to read it himself.”  
  
“…He told you to come get _me_?” Nino asked, clearly not believing that for a moment.  
  
“Well, I think he _meant_ to get Sho-chan, but he never said.” Ohno shrugged again, grinning as an identical grin crept over Nino’s face.  
  
\---  
  
There was an entire wall in Johnny’s that was entirely dedicated to a very extensive ‘Employee Of The Month’ section - dating all the way back to Shonentai. It was considered a matter of pride to have your name up on that wall at least _once_ during your career at Johnny’s. It also wasn’t considered very difficult to get a spot on the wall, either - it was all a matter of sucking up to the management ( although some took that more literally than others, truthfully).  
  
Jin had never been Employee Of The Month.  
  
It wasn’t like he _wanted_ to be or anything. Although it would be nice to have Kame stop looking at him in that way of his, the one stare that people usually reserve for animals stuck in traps, or kids that have just dropped their ice-cream cones…  
  
And it wasn’t his fault! He was a _model_ employee! …Yamapi was just jealous, Jin concluded after he imparted all this to his _supposed_ best friend, who had all but collapsed in a fit of hysterics.  
  
“You?!” Yamapi wheezed, using the table to haul himself back up to his seat in the staff room, “Model employee. Okay, sure. So then, you _idol_ of customer service, why is it that you’ve never been on The Wall?”  
  
“It’s obvious.” Jin huffed, giving his best friend the most scathing glare he could muster, “Matsumoto hates me - for no apparent reason, I might add!”  
  
Yamapi fought to keep a straight face, placing his elbows on the table and leaning forward and lowering his voice.  
  
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t it because you said he only got into Johnny’s because of his face?”  
  
“…”  
  
“…”  
  
“He took it the wrong way.” Jin finally managed, looking sheepish.  
  
“What other way is there to take it?!” Yamapi raised an eyebrow, “You basically called him _talentless_!”  
  
“…He was mean to me.” Jin muttered in a small voice, knowing it sounded ridiculous even to himself.  
  
“He was- Oh, I’m sorry, Jin, I didn’t realise we were back to being _five_.” Yamapi shook his head, “Is this your weird version of pulling girl’s pigtails in the school playground? Because it really seems like it…”  
  
“WHAT.” Jin gaped at Yamapi in something akin to horror, “I can’t believe you just said that! I can’t believe you’d even think that I wanted in Matsumoto’s pants!”  
  
“Oh. Well, that explains a lot.”  
  
Jin whirled around, his heart leaping up into the vicinity of his throat - Could this possibly get worse?  
  
“Kame!” Jin seized onto the other boy’s arm with a vicelike grip, “I don’t, I swear! I only want to get into _your_ pants!”  
  
-  
  
“Wow.” Yamapi remarked, tilting his head to get a better look at Jin shoved halfway around and under the vending machine, “I really don’t understand why _that_ didn’t work.”  
  
“I’d hit you if my hand wasn’t lodged in the coffee machine.”  
  
\---  
  
“Costumes?” Jun repeated, hands frozen over his keyboard as he stared up at Nino, who was staring at the letter that had just arrived in the office that morning, “Please tell me you mean _uniforms_.”  
  
“Nope. It says, and I quote _‘To boost staff productivity and enhance morale’_ Or, in other words, the old man wants more money, and this way he also gets a good laugh in the process.” Nino scowled down at the letter as if glaring at it hard enough would somehow make Johnny, sitting in his plush offices several hundred miles away, suddenly spontaneously combust.  
  
“Maybe the costumes won’t be that bad.” Ohno supplied helpfully - his shift (and Nino’s) was just about over, but he’d stuck around to see what the letter had said, seeing as they rarely got letters directly from Johnny himself.  
  
“ _’I’ve sent the box along with the letter.’_ ” Nino read, looking up in confusion, “Where’s the box? I haven’t seen it.”  
  
The three men in the office looked up at the closed door as they heard a shriek and a heavy sounding thud from outside in the corridor.  
  
“I think Aiba found the box.” Ohno said thoughtfully, as Jun pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily.  
  
-  
  
“I’m not wearing _that!_ ” Jun spat vehemently, approximately 5 seconds after opening the box.  
  
“Neither am I!” Chorused Aiba and Nino, both turning to look at Ohno who shook his head, wisely refusing as well.  
  
“Looks like Sho-chan it is then!” Aiba grinned, looking up at Jun who merely raised an eyebrow.  
  
“Fine. You get to go tell him that he has to dress like a stripper because he was too busy off doing his job. That’ll teach him to sort out those newspapers like an actual _productive_ employee.”  
  
-  
  
“ _What?!_ ” Sho shrieked, holding out a string of beads in outright disdain, “I’m going to look like a teenage girl’s room exploded on me!”  
  
“And here I thought you’d be more incensed about the ‘stripper’ part.” Nino remarked, leaning on the back of Jun’s chair, and looking like Christmas had come early.  
  
The was a long pause, wherein Sho had stilled completely before looking up at Aiba with a lethal gaze.  
  
“You seemed to have left that part out of the explanation, Masaki.”  
  
Aiba gulped, inching his way behind Jun and Nino to latch onto Ohno for protection.  
  
“Look at it this way!” Nino offered, “You’re always moaning about the economy, right? You can make some extra money now!”  
  
“You are the _worst_ friends ever.” Sho muttered, glaring balefully at Nino and Jun, who had burst out laughing and were now clutching onto each other for support.  
  
-  
  
Sho earned a lot of tips that day.  
  
\---  
  
Jin was not best pleased.   
  
Finally, after months of working up his courage and mentally preparing himself for getting either yelled at, hit or even just flat out ignored and fixed with that Look, Jin had managed to ask Kame out.  
  
Properly, this time, too. No references to any wholly inappropriate areas of Kame’s anatomy, no crude sexual innuendo and certainly no groping. No, Jin had learnt his lesson the fir- well, third time.  
  
So, of course, Jin was a little… _upset_ when Kame had broken his heart.  
  
“ _Broken your heart?_ ” Ueda repeated, voice laced with barely restrained incredulity.  
  
“…I don’t think I like your tone.” Jin sniffed, rather offended that Ueda didn’t really seem as horrified and outright scandalised as he should have at this point in Jin’s sorrowful tale.  
  
“Why are you even telling this to me anyway?” Ueda sighed, he was beginning to get a headache with all of Jin’s wailing, “Why aren’t you off telling this to Yamapi?”  
  
Ueda winced as Jin howled in distress at his best friend’s name.  
  
“That traitorous, boyfriend-stealing, cruel, emotionless WHORE!” Jin whined, “He’s the whole problem! He _asked Kame out!_ ”  
  
Ueda raised an eyebrow as Jin hissed the last few words and stared intently at Ueda’s face, clearly waiting for a reaction.  
  
“That cad.” Ueda deadpanned, but it seemed enough to satisfy Jin, who threw his hands up in the air, displacing the pile of tear-stained tissues on his lap.  
  
“I KNOW!” Jin exclaimed, oblivious to the rain of tissues all around them, “And do you know what he said? Do you know what he had the _gall_ to say--”  
  
“No, but I get the feeling you’re going to tell me anyway.” Ueda muttered sourly - He was going to murder Junno for leaving him here to suffer by himself.  
  
“He said ‘You don’t deserve Kame-chan, Bakanishi.’ _Can you believe that?!_ ” Jin continued, taking no notice of Ueda’s interruption, “Don’t _deserve_ him?! He used to hate Kame!”  
  
“So did you.” Ueda sighed, using one hand to prop his chin up on, and the other to try and stave off that headache.  
  
“I- that was different. I didn’t _hate_ him.” Jin frowned, Ueda was supposed to be comforting him, not making him feel worse!  
  
“Sorry, you threw a giant, jealous hissy fit over Kame _supposedly_ getting a girlfriend - which he didn’t, I feel the need to point out, _again_ \- and ignored him for the next _two months_.” Ueda glared over the table - he was still kind of pissed about that.  
  
“Well, when you say it like that, of course it sounds bad…” Jin looked down at his feet, rather forlornly. Damnit. This is why he stopped coming to Ueda for advice. Ueda actually gave him advice - Yamapi just gave him a long look and dragged him to the nearest club.  
  
Jin’s expression darkened as he accidentally though of his best - No, EX-best friend again.  
  
“…Jin.” Ueda voice held a note of warning, “I know that look. That’s your ‘I’m About To Do Something Incredibly Stupid, But Seems Like A Good Idea At The Time’ look. Forget whatever it is - now.”  
  
“I’m going to win Kame back!” Jin ignored Ueda, standing up and sending more tissues flying, “I’ll prove to him that I’m far better than that good-for-nothing Yamapi!”  
  
“Oh god.” Ueda felt like crying.  
  
\---  
  
“KAME.”  
  
Kame blinked as Jin attached himself to the younger boy’s arm, fixing Kame with a pitiful expression.  
  
“Jin, if this is about me going out with Yamapi tonight, I’ve _told_ you--”  
  
“Kame, _listen to me_.” Jin insisted, and he looked so completely serious that - perhaps against his better judgement - Kame did, “Kame. Going out with Yamapi would be a _very bad idea_. He’s my best friend, I know these things--”  
  
Kame sighed, god, why was he the one who had to deal with this? He was going to make Yamapi pay for this.  
  
“Jin.”  
  
“--and his _breath_ stinks, and you really don’t want that, do you? I keep telling him he should brush his teeth and eat mints - like _I_ do - but he just won’t listen--”  
  
“ _Jin_.”  
  
“--and then he _kicked_ it! A poor defenceless puppy! I was shocked, Kame, shocked and appalled! Don’t you worry though, I took that puppy home and nursed it back to health--”  
  
“Jin! Listen to me!” Kame snapped, grabbing Jin by his upper arms and staring him dead in the eye, “It. Is. Business.”  
“I…Y-you…What.” Jin stuttered, partly by what Kame had just said, and partly because _Jesus Christ, Kame’s hot close up too_.  
  
“Matsumoto wants Yamapi and I to film some new training videos.” Kame explained, releasing his hold on Jin, “That’s what this is all about, we‘re going to discuss it properly. It’s not a _date_.”  
  
“…Oh.”  
  
“And if you’d bothered to wait for me to explain, instead of running away flailing like an _idiot_ -” Jin winced at Kame’s obvious exasperation, “You would have heard me say that you could pick me up at 9. Tomorrow.”  
  
“About bloody time. Can we all come in now? ” Came the sulky voice of Koki from the doorway, followed by various murmurs of agreement from half the staff of Johnny’s, being forced to wait outside until they’d finished.  
  
“This is the second time I’ve have to do this.” Ueda muttered, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall, “Can’t they find somewhere _else_ to do this?”  
 


	4. Manager's Special On Glitter!

“Jun.”  
  
Jun blinked as he came face-to-face with Aiba immediately after setting foot into Arashi’s office, taking in the older man’s unusually serious expression with a small degree of confusion.  
  
“It has come to our attention -” at this point Aiba gestured to the other occupant of the room, Nino - who looked entirely too gleeful for this encounter, Jun thought bitterly, “That you seem to be have been…” Aiba trailed off, searching for the correct terminology to use.  
  
“ _Fraternising with the enemy_.” Nino supplied helpfully from his spot at the desk, despite the fact he wasn’t actually doing any work there.  
  
Oh, for the love of - Jun had just _known_ today was not gong to be a good day when he had seen his name noted down with Aiba’s and Nino’s for the same shift - and in the morning, no less, Jun really had to have a word with Sho about that.  
  
“I’m almost afraid to ask what the hell you’re going on about, but I feel I must.” Jun sighed, closing the door behind him and taking a seat at his own desk, choosing to look at Aiba who had remained standing rather than Nino. Not that it stopped him talking, of course.  
  
“Shun.” Nino replied shortly, “You’re always hanging around with each other.”  
  
“ _Fraternising.”_ Aiba nodded, and Jun was abruptly regretful of the fact that he’d sat down and lost his only escape route from this madness.  
  
“It’s called friendship.” Jun snapped at Nino, “I know it’s difficult for you to understand, seeing as your idea of friendship involves invading people’s personal space and inappropriate groping. But I don‘t see the problem. By your logic, you should be having this conversation with Sho - after all, he _helps out_ at Zero, surely that‘s worse.”  
  
“But Zero’s a _café_ , Jun.” Aiba responded, in the tone of one who’s speaking to a very trying five year old, “Tristone’s a supermarket. Shun’s _the competition_.”  
  
“You spend all your time with him. You’re awfully friendly with our competitor, you have to admit.” Nino cut in, rather sharply.  
  
Jun’s head snapped around to stare at Nino, his eyes widening in realisation from Nino’s slightly sour tone.  
  
“Oh my god. You’re _jealous._ “ Jun turned to look at Aiba, amusement creeping over his features, “Both of you are! That’s what this is, isn’t it?!”  
  
“No.” Aiba muttered, but his gaze had shifted from Jun’s face to a point somewhere beyond Jun’s left shoulder and he looked distinctly uncomfortable. Nino had settled into a deep sulk, hunching his shoulders and glowering at Jun in annoyance.  
  
“We are _not._ “ he muttered petulantly, “Get over yourself. I don’t care who you hang with out with - unless it’s going to affect the company.”   
  
Jun wasn’t buying it.  
  
“Aw, Nino.” Jun stood up from his seat and made his way over to Nino, grinning widely now that he’d figured out was going on, “I may have other friends, but I love you the most.”  
  
“Shut up. I hate you.” Nino retorted, turning in his chair to face the computer and proceeding to glare at it with a fierce intensity that was completely unwarranted - considering it wasn’t even turned on.  
  
Jun turned back to his desk with a laugh, almost colliding into Aiba for the second time today, Jun almost frowned at Aiba’s still-serious expression.  
  
“You mean it?” Aiba asked, quiet and forceful, staring Jun dead in the eyes.  
  
“I mean it.” Jun grinned, throwing an arm around Aiba’s shoulder and being relieved when he felt the older man distinctly relax beneath his touch.  
  
\---  
  
The day after Jin’s date with Kame, everyone on duty was waiting with bated breath to see if Jin would actually be coming into work, or if Kame had actually come to his senses during the evening and killed the idiot.  
  
Amazingly, Jin did turn up to work that day, and immediately made everyone wish that he really hadn’t bothered. Evidently, the date hadn’t gone horrifically wrong, as Jin still appeared to have all his limbs and was remarkably cheerful.  
  
Too cheerful.  
  
Jin recounted his date with Kame to anyone who’d listen (and a good few who wouldn’t, too) and had to be hastily dragged away by Junno and Maru at several points throughout the day - especially during one memorable incident where Jin had gone so far as to poke Matsujun’s cheek in an attempt to get his attention - he’d succeeded, but it had taken the rest of Arashi and most of News to get Jun’s attention back _off_ of Jin.  
  
“I don‘t see why you‘re so smug and everything, Jin,” Koki muttered, after being subjected to a fifth retelling of Jin‘s date, “I mean, you didn’t even get lucky.”  
  
“I might have.” Jin exclaimed indignantly, “I might just be too much of a gentleman to mention it!”  
  
“HA. You, a gentleman. Okay, yeah, sure Jin.” Koki snorted in amusement, watching Jin flail in offence.  
  
It was good luck on Koki’s part that he had just happened to glance up at that point, and spotted Kame exit the supermarket - and immediately focus in on Jin. And Koki had seen that _Look_ before, and briefly felt sorry for Jin.  
  
But only briefly, Koki concluded after he’d taken off across the car park, grabbed Ueda (who had actually been doing his job, of all things) by the back of his jacket and taken shelter behind the nearest Jeep. After all, it was Jin, and he’d had to listen to the date story _five times._  
  
“Jin.” Kame snapped as he stormed across the pavement to where Jin stood, looking off in the opposite direction after Koki‘s feat of athletic prowess.  
  
Jin blanched, that tone in Kame’s voice was not a pleasant one - he’d only heard that tone once before, and that was just before the Bread Slicer Incident. And since they Didn’t Talk About That, it could only mean…  
  
Oh. _Damn._  
  
“Is there any reason you would like to offer up as to why the entire checkouts wolf-whistled as I walked by? And Pi felt the need to shout, and _I quote_ ‘You’re not supposed to put out until the third date, Kame-chan!’”  
  
“Uh. You…probably wouldn’t believe me if I said I had no idea, right?” Jin hazarded, surreptitiously looking for an escape route and already knowing that there was none.  
  
“You’re right. I wouldn’t.”  
  
\---  
  
“So! I heard you got dumped!”  
  
Jin’s hand instinctively clenched around the plastic coffee cup he was holding, with a fervent wish that it was actually his best friend’s neck.  
  
“I did not get _dumped,_ Pi.” Jin sniffed, with as much dignity as he could muster, “I’m just…”  
  
“Pathetic?” Ryo called over from Kanjani’s table, grinning like all his birthdays had come at once. Jin didn’t really want to know if it was due to his misfortune or the questionable location of Uchi’s hand under the table.  
  
“Fuck off, Nishikido.” Jin muttered sourly, hunching his shoulders and glaring at the tabletop.  
  
“Come on, it’s not that bad.” Maru explained as Pi dropped gracelessly into the seat across from Jin, “Kame’s just…well, he’s…”  
  
“Being a big girl.” Koki supplied earning a glare from both Maru and Jin, “Whoa. Tough crowd.”  
  
\---  
  
Christmas had come to Johnny’s Supermarket. It became evident when an apparent war broke out in the Fresh Vegetable section over the last bag of carrots, and a number of new Juniors had to be sent home with injuries sustained from low flying tins of peas.   
  
Toma sighed as he flattened himself against the side of the aisle as a rather robust woman and her shopping cart barrelled past, with a shriek about cranberry sauce. He was used to the sense of insanity that seemed to grip their customers around this time of year - it was only slightly worse than their usual brand of crazy after all.   
  
Despite this, it still made the task of crossing the store rather daunting, and Toma would have called in sick, but he knew fine well that Nino and Jun were in early today and Toma wasn’t prepared to give them an opportunity to bitch at someone other than each other.  
  
Toma’s thought process was abruptly derailed as someone rounded the end of the aisle without looking and slammed into him, sending them both to the ground.  
  
“Okay, ow.” muttered a familiar voice from somewhere around Toma’s collarbone, “Remind me not to do that again.”  
  
“So this is what the back of my skull looks like. Thanks, Pi.” Toma wheezed, his breath having been knocked out of him from the fall  
  
“Toma!” Pi grinned, looking remarkably unrepentant for someone who had just rugby-tackled their best friend, “I take it back, I should do this more often.”  
  
The sentence took a moment to filter through Toma’s brain, it having taken a beating a moment earlier, but when Toma finally registered the rather compromising position that they had landed in - and had made no effort to move from, he flushed and whacked Pi’s shoulder.  
  
“Shut up.” Toma muttered, without any real heat to it, “What are you doing up here anyway?”  
  
Pi shrugged as he clambered to his feet and helped Toma stand up again - just in time, as the same woman from before hurtled past in the opposite direction, now wailing about beetroot.  
  
“I was coming back from my break, but got swept up by a group of woman swarming after Hikaru who had a fresh load of turkey’s from the freezer.” Pi paused and looked back over his shoulder, mournfully, “I haven’t seen him since. I hope he made it out alive…”  
  
“What the- Pi, is that a black eye?” Toma leaned closer to inspect the apparent injury, and resisted the urge to laugh at Pi‘s disgruntled expression, “Did the nasty women hurt you?”  
  
“It wasn’t them.” Pi shook his head with a wry grin, “It certainly was a nasty woman though. Jin socked me one.”  
  
“Let me guess, you teased him about Kame?”  
  
“…Only a _little_ bit.” Pi admitted, having the grace to look sheepish, “It’s so _easy_ though.”  
  
“Regardless, Pi. It serves you right.” Toma grinned, giving Pi a shove towards the checkouts, “Now go, before Ryo comes to drag you back by your hair.”  
  
“Okay, okay, I can take a hint!” Pi grinned in response, leaning forward, “Will you kiss it better, Toma?”  
  
Toma rolled his eyes and gave Pi another shove, “I’ll give you a matching one if you’re not careful!”  
  
“…It’d be worth it.” Pi muttered after a moment’s consideration.  
  
“YAMASHITA!” Ryo’s yell echoed even in the crowded aisle before Toma could respond. Pi went pale and ducked behind an elderly man who was looking decidedly out of place, having either been dragged there by his wife or gotten _really_ lost on his way to Tesco.  
  
“Go. Before Ryo rips your face off. I imagine it‘ll be rather hard to kiss you then.” Toma raised an eyebrow at Pi who looked thoroughly puzzled for a minute.  
  
“Wha- Oh. …OH.” Pi looked up at Toma with an delighted expression, only to see Toma disappearing around the end of the aisle at the other side, “Oi, Ikuta! That had better have been a promise for a date!”  
  
Jin scowled as he walked by, with a furious mutter of ‘Is _everyone_ getting laid but me?!’  
  
\---  
  
It was a dubious group of men that stood in the canteen, looking faintly wary of the suspicious substances that the staff were trying to pass off as ‘lunch’.  
  
“I’m not eating that.” muttered Ryo, turning away with a disgusted grunt, “It looks like one of Aiba’s experiments.”  
  
“What the heck is it?” Maru asked, reaching out and prodding a gelatinous looking dessert with a spoon.  
  
“Try it.” Yasu wrinkled his nose as Maru’s spoon glanced off the surface of the dessert, making the whole structure wobble unpleasantly.  
  
“Ehh?!” Maru glanced up at Yasu and then back at the shivering pudding, “Why me?”  
  
“Just do it.” Yoko urged, edging away from a particularly repulsive brown dish that seemed to be oozing forward towards them.  
  
Managing to break off a piece of desert after viciously hacking into it with a knife, Maru looked apprehensively at the piece of dessert quivering happily on his spoon. Taking a deep breath, he stuck the spoon and it contents into his mouth and paused.  
  
“Well?” Yasu pressed after no response from Maru a few long moments later.  
  
“It tastes like…pink.” Maru muttered, removing the spoon and chewing hesitantly, “It’s not _bad…_ “  
  
“But it’s not _good_ either, right?” Ryo rolled his eyes, before moving Maru out of the way, “Okay, never mind, that brown ooze is trying to mate with it. We’re leaving. Now.”  
  
As Kanjani 8 made a hasty exit, Ryo heard the distinct shriek of Aiba Masaki.  
  
“I’ve lost Steve!”  
  
Ryo _knew_ it.  
  
\---  
  
It wasn’t that Jin didn’t _like_ Tegoshi…  
  
  
…Okay, so it was.  
  
Jin was sure that he’d had a reason, some time ago, but he couldn’t exactly recall what that reason was. However, if you asked him right now, Jin would be able to tell you that he didn’t like Tegoshi because he was currently draped all over _Jin’s_ boyfriend.  
  
…It was a minor hitch that Kame had told Jin to go and die in a fire, but Jin was sure he hadn’t really meant it. After all, if Kame had been really serious, Koki would have shown up to threaten Jin’s very existence.  
  
The fact that Jin had been pointedly avoiding Koki all day had nothing to do with anything at all.  
  
Jin fumed as Tegoshi chattered away about something that caused Kame to laugh in response. Okay, he wasn’t just about to stand here and watch as that…that _harlot_ swiped his boyfriend away from right under his nose! It was time to take action - Jin had been rehearsing his apology speech all day, even getting Pi to help him with it. After he’d stopped laughing, of course.  
  
“KAME.” Jin stormed across the store and grabbed Kame’s arm, “I need to talk to you.”  
  
“Ah, Akani-” Tegoshi started, but faltered as Jin glared at him.  
  
“You shut up.” Jin snapped, tightening his grip on Kame’s arm and hauling the other man off, who was protesting the whole way.  
  
“Jin!” Kame exclaimed angrily, yanking his arm out of Jin’s grasp, “That was rude! What the hell?!”  
  
This was it! His chance to redeem himself and sweep Kame off his feet!  
  
“I love you.” Jin blurted, completely forgetting his prepared speech, “and…I’m really sorry.”  
  
Not the most romantic and flowery declaration of love ever, but it _was_ certainly heartfelt, and honest.  
  
“Idiot.” Kame replied, but he was smiling, “Pi told me that you didn’t say anything, that he was just being…Pi. You have nothing to apologise for.”  
  
“Well…I guess, but I still feel bad…” Jin muttered, looking abashed.  
  
“Well then, you can take me out again to make up for it.” Kame grinned, leaving a speechless Jin staring after him as he walked off, before pausing at the door, glancing back over his shoulder with a raised eyebrow, “Who knows, you might even have something to boast about the next day after all.”


	5. Half Price Offer On Sequins!

“Anyone like to tell me why there’s a bunch of frightened looking prepubescent kids huddling outside the door? Not that it’s a rare occurrence or anything, but Ryo-chan isn’t even due in for another hour at least.”

Ohno and Nino both looked up as Yamapi strolled into the relatively quiet office, dropping a folder on top of Matsujun’s desk.

“Geez, he asks me to get these accident report forms to him first thing in the morning and he isn’t even here?” Yamapi sighs dramatically, looking put-upon.

“It’s lunchtime.” Nino pointed out, “You forgot, and then waited until Jun went for lunch. Don’t lie.”

“So! Kids.” Yamapi gestured to the doorway, desperately trying to take the attention away from himself.

“I’ll deal with them.” Ohno offered, standing up and closing the file he was writing in, “I’m mostly done anyway. And Nino still has to finish the timesheets before Matsujun throws him out of the window like he threatened.”

“Pfft.” Nino dismissed Ohno’s claim with a wave of his hand, “Jun’s a pussycat really. I’m not worried.”

“Really?” Ohno remarked as he made his way over to the door, “That’s good then. Because I’m going to tell him you said that.”

Ohno grinned as he closed the door on Nino’s indignant spluttering.

“Training’s just down the hallway. Half of you will be with Tackey and the other half will be with Tsubasa, depending on what section you’re working in.” Ohno explained as he lead the wide-eyed juniors down the hallway, “Ah. Here.”

Pushing open the door, Ohno supposed he should really have knocked first, taking in the sight of Tackey pinning Tsubasa to the desk, the contents of which had been haphazardly pushed to the office floor.

“Oh. Training was _today?_ Well, damn.” Tackey remarked, still not loosening his hold on Tsubasa’s wrists.

“...I’d probably be more inclined to believe that if this didn’t happen _every single time._ ” Ohno sighed wearily.

“Hey! I can’t help it!” Tackey protested, “Blame Tsubasa! It’s his fault!”

“Oi! Who’s pinning who to the desk here?!” Tsubasa grumbled, “And either let me up or _move._ ”

Ohno sighed from the doorway, turning and ushering the aghast juniors back into the hallway, closing the doorway firmly behind him.

Five minutes!” Ohno called back through, only to hear Tsubasa laugh loudly in response.

“That’s optimistic! He’ll be lucky to last more than two!”

“HEY!”

\---

Activity ceased at the checkouts of Johnny’s as a sharp crack echoed across the store. Everyone turned to look as a pretty brown haired girl stormed away from Ryo’s checkout, as Ryo stood frozen, a red handprint blossoming across his cheek.

“Did. Did she just _slap_ him?” Koyama’s worried voice drifted over from the end of the line, breaking the tenuous silence, and giving way to a rush of frantic whispers from the customers.

“I can’t believe she just did that.” Tegoshi muttered from his register next to Shige’s.

“Are you kidding me? I can’t believe someone hasn’t done it _before_ now.” Shige smirked, turning his attention back to his next customer in the queue.

And if anyone noticed Ueda paying the woman gleefully in the parking lot, well...nobody was unwise enough to mention it.

\---

Sho liked corporate functions.

He insisted that that reason was his interest in business and economics, meeting the various business partners and learning more about the company.

Nino said it was because no-one there knew how hard Sho failed.

Nino was probably right.

However, when the opportunity arose, Sho was never deterred by Nino’s _hateful_ words.

“I’ll go!”

Jun froze mid-motion, hands hovering above the keyboard.

“What.” Nino appeared at Jun’s shoulder, staring at Sho with an identical look of horror – as if Sho had declared his fondness for stripping naked and sacrificing goats or setting fire to orphanages.

“Ah, but Sho-kun enjoys these kind of functions, right?” Ohno offered.

“Thank you!” Sho exclaimed, feeling benevolent enough not to mention the fact that Ohno’s fishing magazine could be seen from behind the folder he was pretending to read.

“But-” Nino started, before reconsidering his response and grinning suddenly, “Okay~”

“Wait!” Sho protested, attempting to shove his foot in the doorway to prevent the door slamming shut, “You haven’t even told me where this is!”

“Oh, it’s alright Sho-chan! You already know where it is!” Aiba replied brightly, “It’s the Shibata Rie company building!”

As the door slammed closed, Sho dropped the files he was holding and made a mental note to tell Johnny that they were down four managers.

\---

It was after the seventh consecutive customer to walk through the door had worn the same dazed and stunned expression and narrowly avoided veering into an impressive display of eggplants that Nino decided he should probably go and put a stop to whatever was going on outside. After all, there was no need for that sort of behaviour from their customers – it was only _KAT-TUN._

“...Kamenashi,” Nino paused, rather lost for words, “Are you... _seriously,_ in a completely and utterly unironical way, wearing _eyeliner?_ ”

“And eye shadow.” Added Jin, unhelpfully, wearing the same dazed expression as the customers – although Nino honestly couldn’t tell if it was any different from his default expression.

Kame sniffed haughtily and crossed his arms over his chest.

“It is _called_ ‘guyliner’, I believe.” Kame informed Nino, using the same tone of voice that Nino himself used on the Juniors...and Jun sometimes, just for kicks. Although that usually turned out to be a little too literal for his tastes.

 

“Not when you’re wearing more make-up than our customers, it isn’t,” Nino rolled his eyes, wondering how on earth Kame managed to remain looking calm and professional even in make-up and... “Is that a cape?”

 

“Ah! That was my idea!” Koki spoke up, although why he actually sounded like he was _proud_ of this fact was beyond Nino, “It makes us look edgy, right?”

“Well, it certainly makes you look _something_ , but I don’t think ‘edgy’ was quite the word I was looking for...” Nino muttered under his breath, “Anyway, lose the make-up – you know we already appointed Tegoshi as our official girl, and I don’t want him to start showing up in a dress again in protest.”

“Oh come on! I’m _hardly_ the worst!” Kame huffed, gesturing off to the side with a grand sweeping motion of his cape – which Nino suspected was entirely intentional, “I mean, look at Ueda!”

Nino did. And doubled over laughing.

“You know, I work with Jun, so usually I’m pretty immune to this sort of stuff. The guy wears mascara after all. But...” Nino managed to cling onto a nearby trolley for support, trying his best to contain his laughter, “He never looks like he’s been dragged through a Claire’s Accessories backwards.”

“It’s _fashionable._ ” Ueda snapped, raising a hand to touch the sparkly butterfly on his cheek.

“I’m sure it is,” Nino assured him, “If you happen to be a 12 year old _girl_.”

Nino shook his head, dealing with KAT-TUN always made him laugh at the very least. He never managed to _fix_ anything, mind you, but he at least could say he tried and then send Jun off to deal with it properly.

“Anyway, get rid of them – Kamenashi, you’re a danger to our eggplants, and it’s a sad day when Akanishi looks the least stupid out of all of you.”

Nino walked off, smiling triumphantly as he walked through the main doors of the supermarket before hearing the delayed reaction of ‘HEY!’ echoing behind him.

\---

On a whole, Johnny was a fairly good boss to work for – the interview process was simple (even if Tackey rarely adhered to it), the pay was good and Johnny himself was scarcely present in the actual supermarket, instead choosing to stay in the professional head offices of his empire.

Nobody asked what other businesses were controlled by Johnny. Nobody _wanted_ to know.

Despite this, deliveries _did_ occasionally get slightly...misdirected.

“Hello there, sunshine!” Jin grinned, taking the seat across from Yabu in the staff canteen. Yabu, for his part, didn’t notice, being sprawled face-down on the table. He did however, give a strangled sounding moan of despair in lieu of a greeting.

“Just a guess, but is this about the mix-up in the warehouse?” Jin asked, sliding a can of juice across the table as Yabu raised his head.

“How do you know about that?” Yabu asked, catching the can with one hand and rubbing the red mark on his forehead - where he’d obviously slammed his head into the table quite hard previously - with the other.

“Heard Matsumoto shrieking about it earlier. Dunno much more about it, other than it was a mix-up, but I’ve seen a few horrified younger members of JUMP.” Jin raised an eyebrow in silent enquiry and Yabu sighed.

“There was a delivery...and it was quite obviously for one of Johnny’s ...other businesses, judging by the labels. But, of course the younger ones don’t _know_ about them...and well, I suppose they do now,” Yabu pinched the bridge of his nose and frowned at the headache he could feel building up, “I think they’re pretty much scarred for life. And after all that work I did to secure them training with Tsubasa and not Tackey.”

“I thought one of Best was always supposed to be keeping an eye on the kids, what gives?” Jin managed – after he’d stopped laughing, “Surely they should have noticed before anything had happened. It’s hardly the first time it’s occurred, after all.”

“Oh, they did,” Yabu muttered sourly, “It just happened to be Hikaru, however. He thought it would be _funny._ ”

Jin bit his lip and tried his hardest not to start up laughing again – he really did. Yabu shot him a dark look regardless when he spotted Jin’s shoulders shaking.

“Well, nevermind, you just tell him he’s sleeping on the couch and when the kids wake up with nightmares in the middle of the night, he’s the one who has to check on them.” Jin said, standing again and placing a hand on Yabu’s shoulder consolingly.

“Shut up.” Yabu flushed, batting Jin’s hand away and hurriedly averting his gaze.

Now, Jin might not have been accepting any invitations from Mensa recently, but he was still fairly perceptive about these sorts of things (unless they happened to involve Kame in any capacity, then Jin was about as much use as a chocolate fireguard).

“ _Shut up,_ ” Yabu muttered again, despite Jin not having said anything, and buried his face in his hands and trying to mentally will Jin out of existance.

“But you –“ Jin stared, obviously taking great delight in not being the subject of torment for once and prepared to milk it for all it was worth, having been subjected to constant teasing all morning (nobody had missed the fact that he and Kame had come to work together that day).

“ _Don’t-!_ ” Yabu hissed, shooting a panicked look at some point over Jin’s left shoulder, before looking beseechingly at Jin.

However, nobody had really ever taught Jin when to quit.

“- like Hi – Oof!” Jin’s words were sharply cut off as Yabu all but flung himself out of his seat and right into Jin’s chest, sending him stumbling back a few steps, narrowly missing a bemused looking Hikaru.

“Dare I ask~?” Hikaru asked, looking back and forth between Jin and Yabu, the latter who was absolutely refusing to meet his gaze.

‘Oh. That certainly explained _that_ then.’ Jin mused as he rubbed absently at a sore spot on his chest – Yabu’s desperate attempts to get him to shut the hell up had driven the younger one’s skinny elbows right into Jin’s ribs.

“No.” Yabu hurriedly said, before Jin had a chance to open his mouth, and shot another one of his looks at Jin, who smothered another laugh. Hikaru raised a curious eyebrow but shook his head and went off to get some lunch, stomach winning out over his curiosity.

“Oh my god,” Yabu muttered once Hikaru was out of earshot, returning to his seat and putting his head in his hands again, “You are the worst senpai _ever._ ”

“Get Arashi to assign you to the bakery under Koichi and Tsuyoshi for a week and _then_ we’ll see what you say,” Jin replied with a grin, “I’m the _best_ senpai ever.”

\---

“Could you somehow find it within yourself to _actually_ do some work today?” Jun muttered, leaning on the back of Nino’s chair and sighing loudly.

“I take offense to that,” Nino replied, sniffing self-importantly and gesturing towards his computer monitor, “I have been working _extremely_ hard.”

Jun blinked before reaching across Nino and switching the monitor on, and then moving to sort through a filing cabinet nearby.

“Aside from _that_ obvious mistake, I also do not consider trying to get the high score on Robot Unicorn Attack to classify as _working_ , Ninomiya.” Jun snapped, all but throwing the complaints folder (suspiciously full) that he’d fished out from the cabinet onto Nino’s desk.

“Aw, Jun-pon. Still dying before you even get to the dolphins?” Nino grinned, hefting the file into one hand and leafing through it with the other, “Are... _all_ of these about Akanishi? Can we finally fire him?”

“You know nothing would please me more. But you also know we can’t. Johnny’s needs all the adults it can get at the moment – and remind me to have a word with Tackey about that, by the way...” Jun muttered, pausing in his rifling through the filing cabinet again to stare at the Mis Snow Man file on the shelf with trepidation.

“Does Akanishi even _count_ as an adult?” Nino questioned, “I mean...he’s not exactly the funniest clown in the circus, if you get my drift...”

“Well, I should hope that he does count, unless we want to break the news to Kamenashi that he’s sunk to Tackey’s level.” Jun replied, making his way back over to his own computer with a stack of manila folders.

“Oh, can we?” Nino pleaded, “I bet I could make him cry...”

“ _No,_ ” Jun replied shortly, pen pressing down too hard into the paper before him, “And I told you to stop doing that.”

“You did not,” Nino retorted, “You told me that I couldn’t make the _Juniors_ cry. Kamenashi’s fair game, along with all the rest of the full-time staff.”

There was a moment of strained silence before Jun spoke up again.

“I’m still telling Leader if I even _hear_ about you going near the warehouse, Nino.”

“Tch. Spoilsport.”


	6. Frills, Three For The Price Of Two!

Koki sighed as he watched Junno help a customer to her car, leaving a path of glitter trailing behind him.  
  
“We have to do something about this,” he remarked to Ueda, “We’re the least threatening looking group in this supermarket with all this glitter. And that’s even with Kanjani wearing short shorts!”  
  
Ueda looked contemplatively down at his long, fur-trimmed coat and sequined snow boots.   
  
Koki had something of a point.  
  
“Well, you’re doing a good job of…whatever it is you do,” Ueda tried to be consoling, he still needed Koki to back him up when Jin managed to screw-up today, after all.  
  
“I can’t do it all by myself you know!” Koki sounded exasperated, “At this point, NEWS are manlier than us!”  
  
“Hey, let‘s not get carried away. Kame, I will concede on. Possibly also Junno, as I can no longer see him in that cloud of glitter.” Ueda frowned, he hoped Junno hadn‘t suffocated in there - death always involved so much paperwork, “What about Nakamaru?”  
  
“Oh, please…Maru’s about as evil as mittens,” Koki snorted derisively at the very thought.  
  
“Dude. I’m _right here_.” Maru scowled as he returned with Kame and Jin, bringing in the last load of trolleys from the car park, “At least let me cling to the vestiges of my dignity and mock my masculinity when I’m not in earshot.”  
  
“You still have dignity wearing this uniform?” Junno questioned, having finally escaped from his glittery prison, raising an eyebrow as he gestured at the glittery coats that Johnny’s Supermarket had thoughtfully provided for the trolley boys during the winter, “Share your secret, man. We’d all like to know how.”  
  
“Hey, wait,“ Jin held out his arm and pointed to the sequined cuff accusingly, “That wasn’t there yesterday. I definitely remember being sequin-free and marginally more masculine yesterday.”  
  
“Matsumoto was on night-duty last night.” Kame shrugged, automatically regretting the action as a plume of feathers attached to his shoulders smacked into his face, “He has a bad habit of ‘improving’ uniforms left behind overnight. I’m surprised he didn’t bedazzle it, too.”  
  
“Oh, well, that explains the rhinestones spelling out ‘ _Aquaneesha_ ’ across the back of your coat,” Ueda muttered, frowning thoughtfully at the back of Jin‘s uniform, “I was beginning to wonder.”  
  
\---  
  
“What the hell is this supposed to be?” Ryo muttered sourly, as NEWS reluctantly trailed into the training room, stopping short when they caught sight of the members of KAT-TUN already there, “Oh, I see, it _is_ hell.”  
  
“Huh, and here I always thought the anti-christ would be a little taller,” Ueda drawled, “How disappointing.”  
  
“I thought we already did all this team-building crap.” Ryo snapped, sitting as far away from Ueda as the room would allow, and giving the scrawled message on the whiteboard a disgusted look.  
  
“Obviously not well enough, if you still consider it crap, Ryo-chan~” Tackey’s voice sounded from the doorway, sounding far too cheerful for someone faced with a room full of disgruntled young men, “Come on, it’s supposed to be fun! Bonding and all that!”  
  
Unsurprisingly, none of the people sat around the table looked any more enthused than they had when they came in.  
  
“Can we not, and say we did?” Koki muttered, inspecting his nail polish and looking supremely disinterested, “I get on fine with the rest of the guys, and it’s not like we need to be buddy-buddy with that lot.”  
  
Koki waved his free hand at the side of the room where NEWS were sitting, but paused to give Tegoshi a thumbs-up, the other grinning in response.  
  
“See, that is exactly what I am talking about!” Tackey exclaimed, “You have so much animosity towards one another. I just fell that we should…work through these issues.”  
  
There was a loud scraping noise as everyone sitting down suddenly shifted, scooting their chairs backwards away from Tackey.  
  
“…Guys. Seriously.” Tackey leaned against the front desk and glared, brandishing a marker pen.  
  
“Tackey’s right, he wouldn’t do anything like that.” Yamapi spoke up, shifting his chair back towards the front, elbowing Kame next to him to do the same.  
  
“Thank you, Pi-”  
  
“I mean, we’re all legal now!” Yamapi continued brightly, earning a mumbled agreement from the rest of the two groups.  
  
Tackey was rather pleased that he managed to hit Pi squarely in the middle of his forehead with the marker pen. After all, it was permanent marker. And blue really wasn’t Pi’s colour.  
  
\---  
  
“Nino, do you have those calculations I asked you for yesterday?” Jun looked up from filing away reports of Johnny’s Supermarket’s annual net income, “Or were you too busy fighting darkspawn and fawning over broody elves?”  
  
“Oh, J, I’m so flattered - you must listen to me very intently for you to pick that up!” Nino grinned, “And the calculations are on the shelf behind you. _You’re welcome_.”  
  
“Is it at all possible that one day, just one, you could come to work and not be an insufferable annoyance?” Jun huffed, snatching the papers off the shelf, “What do I have to do to get you to do that- just once?”  
  
“Well, it would probably help if you removed that stick from up your a-” Nino began, ready to recite for the quite extensive list he’d mentally compiled in the past 11 years of working with Jun.  
  
“Stop talking,” Jun cut Nino off quickly, sensing that the other man could go on for quite some time, “I don’t think I want hear this, and I have an awful feeling about the direction this conversation is heading in anyway.”  
  
Nino continued to smile beatifically at Jun.  
  
“Oh my god,” Jun looked horrified and backed up into a filing cabinet, “You actually _are_ hitting on me, aren’t you?”  
  
Sho and Aiba, froze mid-step on their way into the office just as Jun spoke.  
  
“…You know what, I suddenly feel rather ill. I should go home. Right now.” Sho muttered, taking a hasty step backwards.  
  
“No!” Jun exclaimed, looking immensely relieved to see someone else in the office, “You are not leaving me alone with him.”  
  
“Well. I think I should feel quite offended. Leader’s always quite happy to receive my affections,” Nino sniffed, adopting a look of great distress, “…At least I think he is. It’s hard to tell sometimes.”  
  
“…Oh good lord, Ninomiya is hitting on me. This is what my life has become.” Jun complained, resting his head on the filing cabinet, debating if slamming his head against it would stop the bizarre flush that seemed to be creeping up his neck and across his cheeks.  
  
“…I could hit on you, if it’d make you feel better?” Aiba offered, after a moment’s silence in the office.  
  
“No. No, Aiba, it really wouldn’t.”  
  
\---  
  
“Why are they always picking on me?!” Jin complained, leaning against a bike rack at the front of the store, “I haven’t even done anything today!”  
  
“Yeah, we noticed.” Junno raised an eyebrow as he pushed a large row of trolleys past Jin and Yamapi and gave him a significant look.  
  
“I am on my lunch break, Taguchi.” Jin replied, with as much dignity as he could muster. Which didn’t really say much.  
  
“Wow. I sure wish I had a lunch break that went from 8 until 1,” Nakamaru remarked from the other side of the carpark, “Do I have to start banging a member of staff to join the special club or something?”  
  
“Damn it, is that it?” Koki called, “And here I thought it was just a secret handshake! All that time wasted learning it when I should have been seducing Nakamaru!”  
  
“Hey!” Nakamaru protested, “Don’t drag me into this! I don’t want in the club _that_ badly!”  
  
\---  
  
Oh no.  
  
No, no, no. This was not happening.  
  
Jin stared forlornly at the checkouts for another long moment, hoping that suddenly another member of NEWS would open up their checkout - he knew it was hopeless, it was close to closing, and he’d already passed three of the members heading out on his way there.  
  
Which left him standing in front of three checkouts - Ryo’s, Tegoshi’s and Yamapi’s.  
  
With a packet of condoms.  
  
He knew he should have stopped off at the chemist. Jin instantly made a vow never to sleep in again.  
  
Deciding to go for the route with the least amount of embarrassment (which still wasn’t saying much - Jin was pretty sure there was still a very real possibility of him curling up and dying on the spot) Jin veered towards Tegoshi’s checkout, very pointedly not looking at Pi or Ryo.  
  
Of course, this was probably a mistake, as Ryo reached across Tegoshi and slammed down a ’Checkout Closed’ sign just before Jin reached it.  
  
“Ah, sorry, Akanishi-kun,” Tegoshi grinned, clearly not sorry in the slightest, “It seems my shift’s over for today.”  
  
“Not for another five minutes!” Jin protested weakly.  
  
“He came in early today,” Ryo cut in, looking inordinately pleased with himself, “Fear not, valued customer, there is still myself or Yamashita to help you with your purchase this evening.”  
  
Jin _hated_ Ryo.  
  
Which is how Jin found himself handing over the packet of condoms to Yamapi and glaring at him, clearly conveying his message of ‘Don’t you fucking dare.’  
  
Yamapi ignored him of course.  
  
“Hey, Ryo-chan! I’ve forgotten how to do employee discount~ Can you help me here?”  
  
That was it, Yamapi was fired as his best friend. Jin resisted the urge to trip Ryo as he made his way over, keying the code into Yamapi’s register, even though they all knew that Pi knew how to do it perfectly well.  
  
“Oh dear. It seems that it’s not scanning properly!” Yamapi deadpanned, “Well that won’t do at all!”  
  
Jin realised what Yamapi was about to do just a fraction of a second too late.  
  
“…Wha- NO! PI!”  
  
‘ _PRICE CHECK ON DUREX PLEASUREMAX CONDOMS~_ ’ rang out across the store. Jin froze in horror as the remaining customers in the store curiously peered towards the checkout, some clearly trying to hold back their laughter.  
  
Jin added another name to his list of people to never speak to again as Toma appeared at the end of the aisle, holding a box aloft and yelled.  
  
“IS IT THE EXTRA SMALL ONES?”  
  
‘YEA-AAAARGH-!’ The announcement cut off as Jin lunged across the checkout at his so-called-best friend and attempted to strangle him with the PA’s cord. He didn’t get very far before he was hauled off by the security guard Nagase.  
  
“Come on, Akanishi, enough of that. Yamashita! Don’t tease him like that, not everyone can be as well-endowed as m-”  
  
‘ _NAGASE_.’ The warning voice of TOKIO's Leader cut in sharply from Nagase‘s radio, watching from the CCTV room near the back of the store.  
  
“Yeah, yeah, alright.” Nagase muttered under his breath, hauling Jin away and giving him a shove out of the door, smacking him in the forehead as he threw the pack of condoms out after him.  
  
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Nagase called, ignoring the sarcastic radio-crackle of ‘ _Oh, well, that narrows it down._ ’.  
  
\---  
  
“More advertisements?!” Jin frowned, “Why do they keep picking Kame to do them?”  
  
“They usually stick with the same person for a few years,” Ueda reasoned, “Remember when Arashi were working on the shop floor and had to do them?”  
  
“…Is that the fruity one with them dancing on rainbows?” Koki asked, raising his hands defensively when Kame turned to glare at him, “What? It was fruity! That’s what they were advertising! Fruit!”  
  
“Fine, but yes, that’s the general idea, and…uh,” Kame hesitated, knowing that Jin was definitely not going to like what he had to say next, “Yamapi’s not the one doing the commercials with me. It’s Tegoshi.”  
  
“What,” Jin said, flatly. Kame sighed, as Jin scowled and crossed his arms over his chest sullenly.  
  
“Hey!” Koki interrupted, seeing Jin’s expression cloud over, “I like Tegoshi!”  
  
“Yes, we know,” Ueda sighed, “We all saw you two making heart shapes at each other through the window earlier.”  
  
“Well…you can’t do it,” Jin huffed, “I’m not letting you.”  
  
Kame raised an eyebrow, and Koki and Maru took several hasty steps backwards, before turning and fleeing to the opposite side of the car park. Junno suddenly spotted a customer who needed help with their single bag of groceries, and Ueda…well, Ueda stayed where he was - this was going to be _glorious_.  
  
“Excuse me?” Kame’s expression was one of mild interest, but his tone was cool and clipped, “I don’t recall asking for your approval. You don’t get to decide what I do - that job is mine alone.”  
  
“But I-” Jin attempted to salvage what was left of his dignity as he realised what a colossal mistake he had just made. However, Kame wasn’t about to let it slide and cut him off abruptly.  
  
“If you’ll excuse me, I believe I’ll have my lunch break with Tegoshi today.”  
  
Jin gawped open-mouthed as Kame spun on his heel and stalked inside. His fists clenched involuntarily as he watched Tegoshi merrily bound up to Kame from the checkouts and they disappeared as they walked further into the store.   
  
“Well,” Jin jumped slightly as Ueda spoke up, he’d completely forgotten he was there, “That was a marvellous cock-up!”  
  
Jin narrowed his eyes at Ueda, who merely smiled placidly and held his hands up.  
  
“Don’t feel bad, Akanishi, you’ve at least made me a little richer.” Ueda continued to smile as Koki stormed up, shoved a handful of notes into Ueda’s hand and scowled at Jin.  
  
“I had faith in you, man. Faith!”  
  
\---  
  
Yamapi sighed. He had a bad feeling when he had woken up this morning - he’d almost slipped up in the bathroom, and had hit his head on one of the kitchen cabinets.   
  
And worst of all, Rina had taken the last of the onigiri, leaving only a ’IOU~’ note in their place. He should have taken it as a sign, called in sick and went back to bed.  
  
But no - Yamapi had bravely soldiered on! He had went to work early, dodged the gauntlet of Kisumai roller-skating around the café to get some breakfast- only to promptly drop it as his best friend barrelled into him with all the force and grace of a freight train.  
  
Yamapi was too busy staring forlornly at the food on the floor to pay any attention to Jin, who was clinging to his waist and howling in distress. Yamapi had his priorities, after all.  
  
“I assume this has something to do with Kamenashi and Tegoshi sucking face in the café yesterday?” Yamapi muttered, after he’d managed to peel Jin off of him and force him to buy another breakfast.   
  
Yamapi glanced up when his question was met with nothing but silence, “Jin? Oh Jesus- Bakanishi! I was kidding!”  
  
“Why do you hurt me so, Pi?” Jin mumbled sadly, “Is this Ryo’s influence? It is, isn’t it?”  
  
\---  
  
“I’m sure you all must have at least some idea why you’re all gathered here?”  
  
“Dunno, probably because you squawked at us all to come here over the intercom.” Jin muttered, slouching down in his seat and glowering at Jun over his sunglasses.   
  
“Is it an orgy?” guessed Nagase, reaching for his belt buckle, “Because I’m just saying - a little more notice in future wouldn’t go amiss, Matsumoto.”  
  
“Oh, fuck no. I knew you always had a thing for me!” Jin yelped, sitting up straight so abruptly that his sunglasses slid right off his face and clattered noisily on the desk in front of him.  
  
“Sit down! Nagase, put your pants back on!” Jun snapped, “No, it is not an orgy. Please. I have standards.”  
  
Jun decided to ignore the snort of laughter from the main office behind him - he could always staple Nino’s hair to his desk later, when Nino inevitability fell asleep after a hard day of avoiding anything that vaguely resembled work.  
  
I’ve called you all here to discuss your choices in clothing,” Jun continued, “Or lack thereof.”  
  
“I can’t help but notice you’re only looking at me when you say this.” Nagase commented.  
  
“I can’t help but notice that you’ve still not put your pants back on.” sighed Jun, pinching the bridge of his nose.  
  
“You cannot honestly tell me that there’s something wrong with the way I dress!” Kame interrupted, looking irate.  
  
“Yeah, are you sure you picked up the right list?” Tegoshi frowned, if that was why they were here, surely Massu should been in his place. …Or Shige.  
  
“As fashionable as skulls are, many young woman and children aren’t as fond of them as you two are.” Jun explained, “I’m not saying your fashion sense is bad, just not work-appropriate.”  
  
“If that’s the case, why isn’t Koki in here?!” Kame huffed, crossing his arms with a scowl, “I’m sure at least half of his clothing has skulls and references to ‘bitches and hoes all up in this joint’ or whatever it was.”  
  
“The customers find it charming, apparently. It fits his image,” Jun shrugged, “Skulls hardly fit Tegoshi’s image in the slightest.”  
  
“Wait, wait, forget the brat. Why am I here?” Jin spoke up, before Tegoshi had the chance to protest, “I don’t wear any of that crap, or decide that the parking lot would look a lot nicer with my pants decorating the road.”  
  
Jun cast a disparaging look at Jin, clearly torn between choosing verbal abuse or desperately trying to dispel that particular mental image from his mind.  
  
“No, but I have concerns that your hair is playing host to a family of small rodents,” said Jun, peering at Jin’s hair warily, as if it might have heard him and had decided to attack, “And your choice of clothing today begs to differ.”  
  
“How dare you! These are real classy ass pants!” Jin defended.  
  
“…’ass pants’, Akanishi?” Jun repeated disbelievingly, “Did you suddenly become a girl overnight?”  
  
“Shut up,” Jin muttered petulantly, “Men can have ass pants. Kame wears them all the time.”  
  
“Oi!” Kame snapped, from the opposite side of the room, where he was previously trying very hard to pretend that he wasn’t listening, “Keep me out of your bloody pissing contest! I do not wear ass pants!”

  
"They're very nice ass pants, Kazuya~" Tegoshi said, comfortingly.


End file.
